a love letter

I was looking for an anecdote on Philippine personalities I could share in my class yesterday and finally came upon Alexis Tioseco. The pull of the person that he was was so strong that even though I wasn't prepared enough to share it in my own German translation (yes, it's for a German Lit class), I pushed through with it. Also because the only alternative I have is about the Ver-Ramos rivalry and how Imelda Marcos had the last say. Suffice to say, I didn't do his story justice - next time, surely. But I digress.

I've decided to go with Quark Henares' accounts since he apparently knew Alexis while the latter was still an unknown, working in PDI's 2bU! section. And because I remember reading this interview of Quark where he said that he's living every day so as to fulfill Alexis' wish in his "Wishful Thinking for Philippine Cinema."

Well, backtracking a bit, I came upon this letter of Alexis to Nika here while looking for other sources. And I recognized once again the import of what society has done to a man like Alexis Tioseco. His and Nika's murders are truly a big shame. Someone with this much love, not just for his partner but for society through film - his convictions, his efforts, his vision - we should not deny him his life and us, of his.

I am reposting the letter here because it is truly beautiful. If I only I could write like this...

My dear Nika,

If there has been a single cause of strain that has stuck out in our relationship it is this: the idea of my attachment to the Philippines, the strong desire you see that I have to live and work here, and the way that, perhaps, you see this as a matter of misappropriate priorities. Does a place mean more than a person? Does my work in the Philippines mean more than the possibility of a life with you, somewhere, anywhere else? Must it be you that moves, makes the (I know you hate the word, but let us use it) sacrifice of moving? And what, if anything, does that say about us—that the scales of our love weigh more heavily on your chalice?

I know you’ve come to terms with the idea of moving here, hopefully next year, we discuss—but I still feel the need to talk a bit more about some of my reasons for wanting to stay, at the very least for the meantime. I’m not attempting to compare my affection for Manila with yours for Slovenia, but only to explain the thoughts that go through my head, the things I feel I must do, things that, perhaps, we can do together.

Yours,

Alexis 


Insightful, articulate, a soulful rhythm - I can feel the challenges that have been imposed upon the couple, the consideration, the kindness and love. If I were to receive a letter like this - oh! I live for stuff like this. Living and loving. If only.

"The first impulse is always one of love." - Alexis, in another love letter to Nika and Philippine cinema

Write, write, write

No matter how many things I need to do (not only now but also in the near future) with the little time I have and will end up having, I always end up telling myself that 'I wanna do this, oh, this is interesting as well, I wanna do this too!' Yeah, a few more hours in the interwebs today and I came across two really interesting things, that I may just dip my toes in. Uh-huh.

First up, litreactor.com has its science fiction writing challenge known as Teleport Us. This follows the success of their previous challenge on horror writing last year. It's open to both amateurs and professionals, and anywhere from 1,500 to 4,000 words will get you in, as long as you adhere to three guidelines: explore a utopian/dystopian theme, feature a technology that's scientifically plausible and feature a non-human character. It's good to be starting now as submissions will end the 28th of February. There. That should provide me impetus to finally make good on all my resolutions to write years ago. Hmm... Esep esep...

Second, I didn't think there were many offshoots of the NaNoWriMo. I came across the NaBloPoMo and then later on ScriptFrenzy which occurs in April. Now, it seems there's LetterMo and it's for February. What's this about? You write anything - a letter, a postcard, send a picture, swatch of cloth, pages of magazines or newspapers, or write back to someone who wrote to you - every day of February and send them through the postal system.  I'm a sucker for the ways of the old, and there's nothing like seeing a surprise brought by the postman from a faraway or even nearby place in the world. I'm sure it'll be a worthwhile exercise in creativity. Now, if I can sustain this I still have to see. Although I have this twisted hope that I can. :)

So yeah, this is good, putting writing at the forefront of my activities to finally do/accomplish this 2013. My sister, who's currently taking up Medicine, and I have had this idea that's been sitting on the back burner for a while now of a graphic novel/illustrated book collaboration. We initially had an idea to make a children's book. And then all our fascination with Philippine myth (sparked by the Trese and Skyworld series) gave us the idea to make an alternative mythology graphic novel, similar to Paolo Chikiamco's Alternative Alamat issue over at Rocketkapre.com. We still have no idea which story to do up to this day, but hopefully all this writing (on my side) and creativity will spur us to make time and finally do it.

So, there's nothing more to say but Fight!

a most enlightening Friday with friends

Friday,
a prelude to better things to come - 
namely a weekend
of sport or adventure,
catching up with friends, 
eating out,
meeting new people, 
historical and photogrpahy delights - 
before plunging into another week of work and school.

So it was futsal Friday, and then it became Friuli Friday, so that in its entirety, it was friendship Friday.

It's been awhile since I hit the courts of Maginhawa with FC Sikad members, and the other day was a good time as any to make it into a regular habit. My accuracy in passing was off, I made defensive mistakes and didn't overlap enough to make the most of the attacks instigated by our talented midfielder Atet; but I wasn't as out of breath as I thought I'd be, and I've made some lucky saves when I was on goal. That's enough for now, after maybe a year of non-practice or any other physical activity that involves running. I did leave an hour earlier because I'm due to meet with friends. But I hope to see the guys and gals again next week.

I've been craving for pizza for a few days now, and had my first taste of it before I went to futsal practice. It was just a slice; and I've already agreed with Fati and Joyce that we're going to Friuli that day - Fati misses their pasta, and I've been craving for some pizza for a few days now and the price at Friuli never hurts even if you order both and more. There were only three of us and about five plates of food laid out on our wee table.

Pizza Marinara at Friuli Trattoria

Joyce had Spaghetti al Pesto and the Buono Verdure pizza (both for vegetarians) while between Fati and I, we shared a Marinara pizza, Spaghetti a la Puttanesca and ravioli. Suffice it to say that we were already quite filled up even when only half of the stuff was gone. Everything was a good choice, except maybe for the ravioli. This was also my second time trying out their Marinara, and it's still as good as ever. I love the combination of saltiness and sweetness - nothing overpowering the other. And at P195 for eight slices, it's a steal. I also like their pesto sauce better than most of the others I've tried in malls. True pesto sauce is made from olive oil, and I don't appreciate my pesto being too dry. It was over these that we've taken turns regaling tales about yes, the male species that are coloring our lives at the moment. It's a good thing they're open until 2 am. It has only been about two weeks since we last saw each other, and then there were all these things happening. It's a good thing we didn't need to hurry and we had all the time to finish our stories.


We were walking back to Philcoa to catch our respective rides home, when the conversation turned to stuff about relationships - which is more important, dedication or passion, and the like, and when Fati invited us to have a round or two of beer at Sarah's, we obliged. After all, we've never drunk together before, so in the spirit of spontaneity, we made a go at it. And I did remark earlier in the evening that kwentuhans become better with alcohol involved. That's what happened the last time I was at Sarah's. And I guess it works the other way around as well; kuwentuhan makes downing beer a lot easier. Or maybe it's because I've developed some tolerance for the bitter taste through the years (which is a bit improbable given that I've rarely had beer when I used to go out regularly with another trio of people).

I decided to try something new, and had the Super Dry with Fati. And we asked questions about ourselves, and what we want to have in our relationships (two of us are so-called NBSBs), and Joyce had inputs from a spiritual and communal mindset while Fati had inputs from an anthrological perspective. It was all so enlightening.

stripped the label off my bottle of Super Dry

It's a good thing when you realize certain things about yourself during the course of the conversations. I did bring up my dream lifestyle in a previous post. I'll be living with my little one in a house by the surf. And I just realized and/or proclaimed with finality on the13th of a July Friday night that my ultimate dream is becoming a mom. Since that post, I've had this image in my mind of me holding a toddler looking out our window to the sea. It's something that I'm sure of, but I never really knew where it came from. It started out as a concept. And it evolved into that image. And that's my ultimate dream, because by then, I'm thinking I've done all the other things I want to do.

And so with some more banter (i.e. them telling me that a guy (married and with a kid at that) doesn't text you from afternoon till midnight for nothing) and other revelations over a second bottle and Joyce's first, we ended the Friday night knowing more about each other. Just like the last time, we were one of the last ones to leave - the caretakers have already cleaned up the other tables. 

Joyce's light and my first time trying out the 'Tatay Beer' with Fati

It's a good thing I have these two ladies to have these kinds of talks with. I just realized now where Joyce got the name Ladies' Talk which is what she calls our regular meetups. 

I do hope to make some advances on the relationship front, if I may be so bold to declare. 

But what counts more is having these ladies to share stories with until we grow old and have achieved what we set out to do. 

last day of June

It's the last day of the first month of my being an official student once again, and I have only one post to show for it (this!). It's been awhile since I last wrote, although I've had many ideas coming and going in between days - I even have two semi-written pieces sitting on my drafts right now, but I never did get around to finishing them. Nothing to show also in my handwritten diary, and even my planner is barely written on (which often acts as a record of things that have happened instead of things that are supposed to happen).

I'm enjoying the internet during the wee hours of Saturday morning because finally, it's a weekend, it's two days' break both from work and school and I'm not jaunting elsewhere this early (which I did last weekend and the weekend before last which were fun, but I never did get around to writing about them, though I had planned on it).

So many things going on and which I've wanted to share, or at least keep a record of. Like the changes at the office and hmm... towards whom my attention has been riveted for the past weeks now (and may I just say that these past three specimens I've liked come from the same sort of complication that I wouldn't want to be in if I could help it);  the sights and sounds along Aurora Boulevard in Cubao at 3 AM; getting home and then eating or reading one moment then the next, finding myself groggy with the sun already up and I wouldn't know when I transitioned from being awake to sleeping and everything is just a matter of four hours;  scuba diving one weekend and still not getting the knack of mask clearing and equalizing - going back to Anilao for the first time in eight years and sleeping under the stars, then two weekends after finally getting to see the Hundred Islands in daylight and enjoying it and who says you can't enjoy the beach in June; despedidas and New York;  meeting new and younger people in class once again (one who graduated from the same high school I did and is part of my old org) and saying hello to old friends from German class and yes, finally having a definite direction as a European Language student (after the second try) and all the other choices and non-choices that came along with that decision;  pleasantly finding out all about our language major professor;  Germany fumbling again in the last four of a major tournament (why, oh why?);  hurdling the first major thing that is the Italian articles (why do you need four? why?).

A lot. Somehow, I've managed to outline them but time won't be enough to talk about them. I have other ideas as well and tasks to do. Weekends aren't enough I know. But oh well, cheers! This is life. I chose this. I wouldn't have it any other way right now, but if I can, I'd like to be able to add a few more things... just a few like futbol/futsal, fitness training, and more time to write - letters, postcards, diary entries and this blog while planning and saving up for Brazil 2014 :)

As the Italians say, ce la fai!

Everything in the name of all things wonderful...

An image from the abandoned resort beside Scubabro, where I experienced the underwater again after some oh, 8 years

on ... love

From the description of a self-portrait of one of my workmates:

If you find yourself in love with a person who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. 

Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart. 

True.

+ + +

And a little over one year after the incident, it's finally over. One day, I thought about my feelings (after one particularly scary view into my emotions - scary because of how intense it was but without the rationale to back it) and questioned my motives. And then I realized I've seen the last of writing lovelorn entries... at least about the particular person who occupied my mind for some months.

That quote was a good way of looking at that one year.

Now, I am looking forward to the time when I can say something like this lovely anecdote from Antoinette Jadaone:

“I used to think I love you more than I loved him, but now I’m not so sure,” I said, then he said, “Why?”, then I said, “The way I love you now, I don’t think I loved him at all.”

<3

a surfer lifestyle

I long for this. Eventually, I'd like to live with something as basic as these two:

I'd be living by the coast, only a bike to get me to places. When there's no surf, I'd be at home writing, reading, playing with my kid, building up my collection of photos and memories, cooking and/or baking, listening to and playing with music, running in the mornings, an occasional game of (beach) football, spending afternoons in my garden, under the trees, occasionally hanging out with friends. Work consists of writing or translation work all done from the home.

I've got the surfer's bug alright. Have I said that surfing is one of the most sublime things in the world? I've dreamt of it for so long and am only now taking baby steps towards making the dream a reality. And until now, there's nothing more I would wish than what I have just written above. Isn't it wonderful that the greatest joy in life is just that, doing something so sublime in the simplest of ways?

Code Red at Teahupoo = Fantabulous Surf

This is scary... but it's the stuff of my dreams :D

source: http://www.theinertia.com/surf/code-red-teahupoo/




And out of the blue, one surfer friend invites us all to go surf this weekend in Baler where we met, and just like that, I'm gonna experience it again. I hope there are waves, and this time, friendlier than last time. Surf's up!


For more inspiration (mine mostly), I'm sharing this photo by Moonshine and Saltwater who's based in La Union but shoots wherever there's surf:

Another pic by M&S. We were staying at Lola Nanny's resort last February, but I've not been to this vantage point. This capture is just awwwesome!

view of LU sunset from Lola Nanny's

films, stories and languages

I just came from my Film 100 class, the introductory class taken by Film majors in UP. We were supposed to cover film form and basic writing about film. What was great about the class is that with the variety of viewpoints presented by my classmates who are from the College of Mass Communication, taking either Film, Broadcast Communication or Communication Research, they are steeped in communication theories and other social interactions that I, with a background in food technology, had no access to. It was entirely new, giving me a different perspective on how classes could be held

Towards the end of the discussion, our professor asked the film majors why they were taking up this course. Since the film majors in the class were freshies, they were still a bit unsure of why they're taking the course. The question ignited something in me that I shared my reason if ever I was taking up BA Film.

I mentioned that filmmaking is a different kind of storytelling. I am involved in film seeing it as an art form, as another means of self-expression. I am amazed at how a concept, given a certain kind of treatment, applied a certain kind of technique in terms of lighting, the kind of shots used and sequencing employed, scoring and using ambient sound, manipulating the colors, putting certain design elements, the emotions conveyed by the actors, the interplay of all these elements with the narrative - these all just make me go wow. I've been reading movie reviews and it always amazes me how such writers are able to have these kinds of readings into the films they're viewing and moreso, being able to write about them. Notwithstanding the need to express yourself, but since film is mainly made for others to see, you have a means of possibly making a mark even if only in a few people - making them think a certain way about a certain thing, providing them a fresh awareness of something others have tackled before letting them see it in a new light.

I was in a sort of high after I briefly spoke about it. It's like I was at that point where I knew now what I wanted to do. And then while walking, I gleaned that I have always been interested in stories. As a child, I read a lot of books from the school library, delving into the classics when there was nothing else available, reading the novels my mom kept in the top tier of our single shelf at home, delighting in watching movies, being intrigued by the design elements in film (I think the first one I saw which showed me film's wondrous possibilities was Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas - watching it with my siblings after Noche Buena when I was probably 8 or 9 years old). Then I started reading fanfiction on the internet and tried to come up with my own. I was mostly unsuccessful in putting them into writing but it hasn't stopped me from making up stories in my head. I've become a fan of Neil Gaiman's Sandman mainly because of the intricate world he makes up and the incredible developments in his characters - introducing a very varied bunch of characters wholly unconnected with each other in the beginning and then tying up all the loose ends so that you get a coherent ending by the end of the nine volumes, and still telling a GRAND story. Significantly, his novels also take place in modern day with elements of the fantastic and I believe it would take an ingenious mind such as him, or Tolkien (the latter of a level different to Gaiman's), to come up with stories like those. I also admire Haruki Murakami because of his different way of telling his stories. He introduces unconventional characters into his stories, possibly attributable to his Japanese/Asian origin, putting them into unconventional situations but still he makes you understand the conflicts, to sympathize with the characters even if the plot itself is a little bit out of this world. I may say that it is due to the psychic nature of Asian culture which is not so unheard of in these lands compared to the West, that I am accepting of the realities he shows in his stories. The stories could be taking place in real time or in the heads of the characters. And when you realize what's up, it just blows my mind away. Sandman was mindblowing as well. Neverwhere is my favorite among Gaiman's novels and it is incredibly amazing.

So going back to my previous train of thought. I have seriously thought about writing that I've even set aside a writing month after I resigned from my first job. Then I tried to keep up with Nanowrimo for 2 years before I decided it's not for me. But failing those, I still do feel that I have to tell stories. Film has been a companion for many years now, even compelling me to join a film-oriented organization in college, joining mainly because I wanted to know how to create my own film. I guess it's the concept that I have to come up with now since the technology is there to make own film if you're really motivated to, and of course friends who I can ask help from. So letting that out in class today, I feel like I've stumbled upon what I want to do.

And then I remember that yesterday in my German class, our teacher Ms. Petersen shared that her background is linguistics and that grammar is her favorite part, as is mine with studying English or any other languages (except Filipino/Tagalog). Also aside from German, she knows Spanish, Bahasa Indonesia, there was probably one or two more European languages in there and Latin. And that's because she has been studying languages for 15 years already. I was talking with my usual seatmate Alex afterwards and I was like I also want to learn the things she has learned that I was thinking linguistics might be a better field of study (for a second degree) compared to European languages (which has been one of my thrusts for some years now).

So now, my enthusiasm for filmmaking has been dampened by this realization that I equally want to do the languages thing for the rest of my forseeable life. It is a question that will have to be answered years down the road. For now, I am thankful that I have taken all these subjects I am taking now - Film 100, German 12-13 and Hapon 10-11. Even I have no definite plan yet about my career or my academic studies, I am continuously opening myself up to possibilities. Years down the road, I will be able to look back and connect the dots leading me to that point in my life. Hopefully.

living the surfing lifestyle

Surfing Magazine April 2011 cover

From Surfing Magazine's April 2011 issue where these guys and Vans scoured Hawaii's North Shore for the best underground talent to be named North Shore Underground Surfer of the Year plus 25k travel bonus from Vans. The eventual winner was 35-year old Sion Milosky, a family guy who went through various occupations just to support traveling and indulging his surfing lifestyle. In order, they are "... Dishwasher, cook, pizza delivery, busboy, window screen repair, carpenter, commercial fisherman, boat repair, auto repair, waiter, bartender, welding and fabrication, gate builder." Besides regularly surfing, he owns and operates a welding company while raising a family at the same time. In fact, one of his pictures in the feature showed an amazing shot (a dream shot of mine, really) of him working the waves.

Sion Miloski, a few minutes after dropping his kids off at school

The caption for this photo reads: "A few minutes after dropping the kids off at school, Sion Miloski emerges from the pipeline mist." How's that for living the life? In fact, "he keeps his schedule flexible to match hours with the North Shore swell pattern - fast, fleeting and unpredictable." Here's the thing that killed me.

"My program is to get up in the morning, look at the waves, and decide: am I going to work today, or am I going to surf?" says Sion. "If it looks like a good day to skip work, I skip work, and I surf. Life's pretty good right now." You got that right Mr. Miloski, my man.

Now, while trying to get a copy of that picture I was talking about on the magazine's site, I stumble across this on the associate editor's column (my bubble burst, literally):

I was shocked. I mean I was just reading about him two nights ago (since I picked up my copy from Booksale, hence I get these a few months late, but nevertheless, I couldn't believe I'd find a gem among Booksale's stacks and at only Php 35.00), and then I read about this. Really sad. The sport is exciting, exhilarating, a dream as hell, but I guess many loved ones are lost as well. But as long as they've lived a full life, I'd bet they'd never been happier than where they were at that time. Rest in peace to all these surfers who I get to read about only to find out they've passed on.

Looking forward to my next foray in Booksale. Who knows, I might be able to snag the July 2011 issue next: 

... Surf's up. And I'm not in on it yet.

Credits: All photos by different amazing photographers are taken from the Surfing Magazine website. Quotes from the article North Shore Underground by Stuart Cornuelle