Yesterday, Friday, was the last day of classes this semester for most people attending this school in Diliman. So after my classes, there was an opportunity for tambay with friends I haven't had much opportunity to spend time with the rest of this semester, and I had the opportunity to hash my thoughts and feelings out to a willing listener. And as I related my take on what has happened and, I guess, is still happening, what I just had as an idea in my head became clear and sure to me.
Yesterday was characterized by longing, sadness and eventually, annoyance, and today is like a clean slate. What happened yesterday? Is it finally a cleansing, an acceptance? That which was just a hunch, a product of my intuition is now an accepted fact? I can't be too glad of this change in perspective. It is welcome, since this is what I endeavored to achieve the moment I started to distance myself from these thoughts and that person for which I have no assurance about. But is changing one's perspective really that easy? I find myself hesitant to call this a closed topic because I am not sure if I'll be plagued by more unsure, sad thoughts days or weeks from now. Maybe I've just had enough venting out yesterday that today, it just seems like I'm fine and dandy (unaffected even as I viewed the pics on his FB profile, which, I realize do a lot to win me over). Add that to the fact that I' just unimpressed and slightly annoyed at how yesterday's conversation with the subject of yesterday's sharing turned out.
So today, I can't celebrate, not just yet. There's a finality when I say things are definitely over, though that's how I feel things are like. Still I can't be too hopeful. Like with most things, I will wait it out. A little more patience, trying not to overanalyze things. And finish what I'm supposed to be doing. Deadlines, dear. And if this doesn't pan out as how you initially wanted it to, cry, yearn, but don't forget - it wasn't meant to be because there will be someone else. Of course, this is me lecturing myself after reading a feel-good teenage highschool romance. Life... it's just like that. It's the moments when you're in the presence of something great that you feel you're on the verge of having something good, but before anything happens, it's gone and the loss of it is heartbreaking. But I will survive. I've already encountered this before. This will just be step up, and a learning experience.
Still neutral. Good, I guess. One can't be numb forever though.
Yesterday was characterized by longing, sadness and eventually, annoyance, and today is like a clean slate. What happened yesterday? Is it finally a cleansing, an acceptance? That which was just a hunch, a product of my intuition is now an accepted fact? I can't be too glad of this change in perspective. It is welcome, since this is what I endeavored to achieve the moment I started to distance myself from these thoughts and that person for which I have no assurance about. But is changing one's perspective really that easy? I find myself hesitant to call this a closed topic because I am not sure if I'll be plagued by more unsure, sad thoughts days or weeks from now. Maybe I've just had enough venting out yesterday that today, it just seems like I'm fine and dandy (unaffected even as I viewed the pics on his FB profile, which, I realize do a lot to win me over). Add that to the fact that I' just unimpressed and slightly annoyed at how yesterday's conversation with the subject of yesterday's sharing turned out.
So today, I can't celebrate, not just yet. There's a finality when I say things are definitely over, though that's how I feel things are like. Still I can't be too hopeful. Like with most things, I will wait it out. A little more patience, trying not to overanalyze things. And finish what I'm supposed to be doing. Deadlines, dear. And if this doesn't pan out as how you initially wanted it to, cry, yearn, but don't forget - it wasn't meant to be because there will be someone else. Of course, this is me lecturing myself after reading a feel-good teenage highschool romance. Life... it's just like that. It's the moments when you're in the presence of something great that you feel you're on the verge of having something good, but before anything happens, it's gone and the loss of it is heartbreaking. But I will survive. I've already encountered this before. This will just be step up, and a learning experience.
Still neutral. Good, I guess. One can't be numb forever though.
