kids with the pumped up kicks...

Finally had a clue to this song's title last week. Though I heard it wrongly, I still managed to find it... weee!

The first time I heard this, I loved it mainly because of the beat. So with what itty bitty clue that I had, I scoured the net (without much difficulty) and voila!

I am loving this live performance - besides sounding like the studio version, the pirate style trance beat they did before they ended the song was awesome. Love the energy, makes me wanna dance too.

/ All the other kids with the pumped up kicks / you better run better run outrun my gun / all the other kids with the pumped up kicks / you better run better run faster than my bullet / (repeat)

 

of requests and remembrances

You approach me with a twinkle in your eye, smile on the ready. First time in a while you've talked to me. Lately, it's just been 'What's up?' or an eyebrow raise (or eyebrow raises) when we happen to pass each other or when I happen to be looking while you're passing through. Tough luck. We can't just go on doing that everytime you pass through and I see you because you are such a life of the party that you would be doing that ten or more times within an 8-hour duration.

Much as I'd like to strike up a conversation, I don't belong to your crowd and I don't make small talk with you when you're in your crazy/funny kind of mood, which I'm finding out lately is almost every hour of every shift. I don't know how to deal with you when you're that way. I am a serious gal with a serious outlook in life. I take things that happen seriously and respond to them with an earnestness reminiscent of law-abiders of old. (Of course, an exception to everything is when I'm with my closest friends.) And the times that we've talked when I sort of initiated the topics, you level yourself with my degree of seriousness which I've realized lately is not your usual. So yes, I don't really know you. And yes, you're kinda leagues away.

So why the sudden cheeriness? A favor. I see. Of course, I would use the same tactics when I need to do that same thing. But with your maturity and probably more pessimist view of life, you think everything can be manipulated. You were even surprised at my agreeing to your request without so much as a bribe. I don't operate on those grounds. I do things out of my innate goodness. And with you continuing to be incredulous that I would consent almost readily, I came up with something then in exchange for what you were asking - something only I would be interested in - but I opted to voice another thought instead. No shit. It would have been the perfect opportunity to gauge how I feel towards you. But no, it was a crazy thought. Will never voice it, at least not to you.

Much as I would like to say that I made this decision because I'm overall a good person, I can't help thinking that had it been someone else making the request, I might not have given in so easily. I may even have thought of something to render me incapable of acquiescing to the request. But even then when I was processing a call, I had half a mind to think about what you were asking and proposing so that not five minutes later, you've secured my agreement. (It helped that I convinced myself that I'm doing this for my own activities too this coming weekend. And that this will be a springboard for a favor I might ask of you in the near future when I would need a backup plan.) Hooray for you.

I thought afterwards that my doing this (heck, I did need a lot of convincing) would be in return for a favor you did for me back in March last year when I was going to watch the Stone Temple Pilots concert and they were having it on a Wednesday. Convenient for me  that you periodically swap to have weekend rest days. And that's how I was able to match a name to your person, which had in fact intrigued me for a while already. For in anticipation of the approval of the other swap requested of me, I was periodically checking the announcements (the darn thing never appeared!) and so I've come to memorize your name, it with the very Christian bent attached to a personality less more so. Of course, you wouldn't remember it. I've somehow realized that guys don't remember the things that girls attach sentimental values to, like the clothes one wore that day, the date something  significant (to her) happened or the circumstances that brought about certain situations. I had to remind you that first day we officially  made acquaintance that I knew your nickname by way of that incident. And after that telling acquaintance, it gave a bigger reason to my having the means to find out something about you on the world's favorite website which was your name. Good thing your TL was already my contact then (he who I'd forever like not least for his suave voice and accomodating nature but also for continuing to call me by my full second given name even if it's been everywhere shortened to just the last two syllables).

Woah was the word. It was like something struck me deep in my soul when I saw those pictures. Like something became electrifyingly clear. It was you.



I was just randomly queuing songs from the 90s on my playlist to accompany me as I type this, and then this played. And it was like, I was hearing it for the very first time. And THIS. FREAKING. NAILED. THE. SHIT. I don't try to use words I don't really claim I understand in the empirical sense, but then this...

The video is itself formulaic and lacking the earnestness in Brendan's whiny voice but the words are pretty spot on.




And so for one little while on a Thursday night, in the 22nd floor of a busy office, I once again felt what it was like to be the object of your attention.

Snared as I ever am, I wonder again how long am I gonna be writing these stories of mine...

beauty and selflessnes in a song

Ever since I watched Glee's Mercedes Jones rendering a wonderful version of Whitney Houston's I Will Always Love You last Friday, I haven't been able to get the song out of my mind. I'm familiar with this as a difficult birit song for talented singers but beyond that and the movie The Bodyguard, I wasn't fond of it at all.  I also never had someone influence me to like Whitney, so I wasn't a fan. (Though it still is a bit unnerving that the famous people you knew while you were still young and who ought to still be there as you grow older are leaving earth earlier than they should be. Whitney is still pretty young at 48. So was MJ. They both had more to offer.)




So when I saw the video from Glee, it immediately had my full attention since it wasn't only flaunting the actress' (who plays Mercedes) singing chops but also there was a love angle that was not the usual (and which I wasn't expecting) but nevertheless, it's one of the elements of a good love story (at least for moi, since I'm a sucker for romance, and well, there's just certain twists or situations that resonate strongly with me). And the whole time I was marveling at the simplicity and beauty of the lyrics.

When you love someone unconditionally, you would do what's best for that person.

If I should stay
I would only be in your way.
So I'll go, but I know 
 I'll think of you every step of the way

But still, you will never stop loving that person.

And I will always love you
I will always love you
You, my darling you, Hmm

So you're saying goodbye because it's for the best.

Bittersweet memories 
that is all I'm taking with me
So, goodbye. Please, don't cry
We both know I'm not what you, you need

And I will always love you
I will always love you

And when she got to this next part, I felt that this song was so beautiful and so right. For me at least, this would be the song I'd be singing right now for a certain someone, in particular this last verse. It's so selfless to say that:

I hope life treats you kind 
And I hope you have all you've dreamed of
And I wish to you, joy and happiness
But above all this, I wish you love


Imagine loving someone so much that you couldn't get enough of that person, but since things are not meant to be, you willingly let go of him. And you also wish that person all that you would wish for him if you were together. That's genuine love. Sorry if I seem too naive or idealistic with all these love words I couldn't find synonyms for right now. But this simple thing is very powerful and very beautiful for me. Sacrifices are not easy to make but they are needed. To sacrifice for someone else is even more admirable. We naturally gravitate towards the things we like or want to have but to deliberately wean one's self away from that which gives you the greatestt happiness, that is just too hard to bear. But it's a difficulty one must suffer for you are thinking of that other's best interests. That's why love is so heartbreaking but still so great.

While Mercedes was singing that last verse, right when I realized what the words meant, I also imagined myself saying (or haha singing) that to him. It was like I've had those same unacknowledged thoughts at the back of my head, they've been there all along, but it's only now that I discovered those words and they fit perfectly with how I feel towards him. I believe things are not meant to be and I am ready to let go. I sincerely hope that things will turn out for the best for him, but nevertheless, inspite of my non-success in this part of my life, I somehow think that


And I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I, I will always love you

You, darling, I love you.
Ooh, I'll always, I'll always love you



Rest in peace, Whitney.