thoughts running through my head on the bus earlier
- how even though i've managed to avoid looking at k for the past week, he still looks at me. is it that he's wanting to incite the same thing we used to do? both times i've noticed when i came back from the 24th floor via the stairs. last sunday i was in a dress. today, well the top button of the gray coverup was open and i'm not sure if any cleavage is being shown. both times i was in heels. and it's not like he tried to avert his gaze soon after. oh no. it was I who did that. and yet earlier, he was crying out how he spent the weekend with his girlfriend in antipolo. what the eff... and so, even though i've resolved to ignore him, or whatever it was, it gets me thinking again... digging up pieces of evidence that suggest something else
- thinking about touch, and what it means. did me allowing e to hold my hand, put his arm around my shoulders, hell, letting him kiss me on the cheek equate to me wanting to do more of that? am i much too forward for having done that for the past two meetups, and both in the confines of the taxi? it's not like it's our first "date" but it did seem like our first after the long hiatus. or is it the anticipation of something else that has me warming up to the idea of touch? hearing him wet his lips - did he think maybe he wanted to take it further? what would I do next time, if ever he did try something? will i indulge him, myself? should i do more when he holds my hand - i.e. squeeze, make more contact possible?
- how will i handle being in a relationship with him? he's not the alpha male type, and i have a tendency to take control of things... will i be dominant? what happens when they have gigs? when he falls sick? i can see myself doing what my friend used to do.
- how before none of these concerns would be taking up a lot of my thinking time, but now, there's not only 1 but 2 characters in there, sometimes 3 or 4... the things that change as you grow older
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