*Ambivalent, like.

Many hours before this morning, I was completely confident, sure in what I was about to embark on. There was none of the self-consciousness or self-doubt that have crept up as I allowed myself to think of other possibilities. Well, one's gotta react to the issue at hand. So that with a wee bit of disappointment, I've managed to screw my views once again.

Damaging, like. It's something you can't help thinking, especially when you're on the verge of giving yourself completely to another. You'd think the other was as willing as you are in accepting another person... and with a little of this and a little of that, you start thinking that that may well not be the case. Once again, you've read too much into your interactions, the other's actions, to satisfy the fantasy world you've built.

Or...

You may just simply be overthinking things again. Isn't it better to just give in to the moment? Live it while it's happening and stop anymore of this senseless analysis when you can't really get to the root of your conflict unless you confront the person yourself.

As I've written in my previous blog's sidebar:

Contemplation often makes life miserable. We should act more, think less and stop watching ourselves live. -- Nicolas de Chamfort

Too true, in my case. If only it was that easy.


*Inspired by Ewan McGregor and his crew in Trainspotting