looking at the same things the other way around

thoughts running through my head on the bus earlier

- how even though i've managed to avoid looking at k for the past week, he still looks at me. is it that he's wanting to incite the same thing we used to do? both times i've noticed when i came back from the 24th floor via the stairs. last sunday i was in a dress. today, well the top button of the gray coverup was open and i'm not sure if any cleavage is being shown. both times i was in heels. and it's not like he tried to avert his gaze soon after. oh no. it was I who did that. and yet earlier, he was crying out how he spent the weekend with his girlfriend in antipolo. what the eff... and so, even though i've resolved to ignore him, or whatever it was, it gets me thinking again... digging up pieces of evidence that suggest something else

- thinking about touch, and what it means. did me allowing e to hold my hand, put his arm around my shoulders, hell, letting him kiss me on the cheek equate to me wanting to do more of that? am i much too forward for having done that for the past two meetups, and both in the confines of the taxi? it's not like it's our first "date" but it did seem like our first after the long hiatus. or is it the anticipation of something else that has me warming up to the idea of touch? hearing him wet his lips - did he think maybe he wanted to take it further? what would I do next time, if ever he did try something? will i indulge him, myself? should i do more when he holds my hand - i.e. squeeze, make more contact possible?

- how will i handle being in a relationship with him? he's not the alpha male type, and i have a tendency to take control of things... will i be dominant? what happens when they have gigs? when he falls sick? i can see myself doing what my friend used to do.

- how before none of these concerns would be taking up a lot of my thinking time, but now, there's not only 1 but 2 characters in there, sometimes 3 or 4... the things that change as you grow older

pasta-centric and crazy days

An early birthday surprise from my penpal in Germany -
a photo she took in  Barcelona and a card she made herself

Life does never seem to fail one who has the right disposition. I'm talking mainly about myself and how I had imagined that this year would be a step back in the celebration of my turning a year older. I thought to start a tradition last year that my birthdays would from then on be celebrated away from where I reside, namely Quezon City. I've lived here for the past 10 years now this coming May, since I started my freshman year in university - the first six years within or near the vicinity of the university and the last four years still a bit nearby, at least two jeepney rides away from school.

Before last year, I often just ate out with friends or siblings to celebrate 3rds of March. And I don't know when turning a year older lost its novelty. Must be one of those times when I had much to do, seeing as March marks the end of the semester, and when my birthday comes, I'd be deep in requirements or exams. There was even one birthday when I had Chemistry exams, even though it was a Sunday. To break off the monotony, I went with my best friend to Tagaytay, I place I've heard so much about but have never set foot on. I had meant to top that off this year with a surf trip to Baler. This time, not only staying overnight but for two nights.

Well... studies did have to strike again. My inability to go was mainly spurred by the fact that I am a chronic procrastinator, and had I actually taken the time that I took off from the supposed teambuilding the other weekend to work on the report, I wouldn't have had to cancel on my surfing plans. So everything is still my fault. So much for going surfing once every month until the end of the surf season. So I put off my surfing photos... And will soon get that digiperm I had wanted to have since last year.

I didn't really mean to celebrate early. But it was the Friday night that I was supposed to be going to Baler, and a good friend just turned a year older that week as well, the 25th of February. So why not celebrate our birthdays together, midway between the two dates? We went to a place I've wanted to try for a long time now, Bellini's in Cubao. I had a creamy seafood pesto, she had their puttanesca, and we shared a salami-topped pizza, capped off by some sweet wine. Lovely meal. We were even able to watch the owner in action - still very Italian after all these years in the Philippines.

The next evening, I schemed with another friend whom I haven't talked to for quite a while now, since we already have different work schedules. We went to another place I've never tried before - Banapple. They have huge servings for the same cost than in other pasta places. We were both so full even if we haven't finished our main courses yet, and we each still had one slice of cake to eat. I tried out their Apple Pie - sehr lecker! They used actual apple slices, and not mashed up ones that you just know would contain something else than apple. Then it was another first for me as I welcomed my birthday with alcohol. I only told my friend I was celebrating my birthday once we entered the grounds of Cubao X. There, I guess in hindsight, I could say that I should be careful about what I wish for for I just might get it. I did have this ongoing theme of what one of my friends could give me for my birthday. Well, when I thought about it later, there it was. And until now, I'm still not decided on it. I had a detached sort of objective view about it, but I've never really fully revisited it to form a definitive reaction and decision.

I decided to actually have some food for my birthday at home, which I never did before. It was all part of a good vibe (which temporarily faltered - another story for another time) I had going and I got to sustain it so I pushed through with it. After having three hours of sleep and some breakfast, I finalized my plan without telling my housemates why I was doing it. Only my siblings knew, and I had already texted my sister who is living in Manila to come by for snacks. I had planned on having pizza, pasta and nachos, not realizing that I've already had pasta for two consecutive days before this. Well, pasta has been a mainstay for birthdays - my mom cooked spaghetti with meat sauce everytime we had birthdays at home. So as the bulk of the foodstuffs, it was inevitable. I bought the ingredients after lunch. My older cousin came with me, and instead of nachos, we just bought a big bag of tortilla chips with lime flavor, and then opted for cake. Now, when the word cake came to me, I immediately thought about Conti's Mango Bravo. I was shocked by the price, but nevertheless went on with it because I had a good feeling about it, even though I last ate this many years ago.


Well, the celebrations didn't stop there. I had a date with two good friends to watch Silver Linings Playbook. I was intrigued by this movie title last January when that was what I got for charades at a party - which, when my groupmates got correctly really made me ecstatic, since I'm not really good at acting out things for people to guess about. I saw on an ad though, that the film won some awards. And it didn't look like a really serious film, nothing like the likes of Inception or the Departed (pardon the very old films - I'm no longer updated these days). So off did I watch it without any expectations. And I loved it! We were laughing at almost every turn. Of course, if that was happening to me or someone I know, it would be very frustrating indeed. How about if not only one, but your husband and two sons were suffering from some sort of mental illness as well? I can't even begin to imagine... The treatment is just lovely! We laugh at the inanity of it all, but still, we're there rooting for the characters to rise above it all. (And hullo, Bradley Cooper! I didn't know you before but glad to know you now, haha!) So I believe it's now one of my favorite films. Some of the lines that really made me laugh out loud:

  The first time they meet

B. Cooper: You look nice. 
J. Lawrence: Thank you. 
B. Cooper: Oh, I'm not flirting with you. 
J. Lawrence: Oh, I didn't think you were. 
B. Cooper: I just see that you made an effort, and I'm gonna be better with my wife. I'm working on that. I wanna acknowledge her beauty. I never used to do that. I do now. Just practicing. How'd Tommy die? [Lawrence looks shocked and sad] 
--> This after being reminded to not ask her about how her husband died. 

    Lawrence starting to teach Cooper how to dance

J. Lawrence: No walk, no letter. Walk to me like I'm Nikki. Do it, come on, I'm Nikki.
B. Cooper: You're not Nikki.
[does the walk anyway]
J. Lawrence: Yes! Do you feel that? That's emotion.
B. Cooper: I don't feel anything.

Oh, another side note: Julia Stiles is way mature here - with kids and eyebags and a propensity to dismiss the little things. Whereas a few weeks ago, I just saw her on 10 Things I Hate About You at the office's Valentine presentation. Talk about the realization that you're finally old!

Oh yeah, I had pesto a few days afterward as well. Still had some leftover pasta from the big birthday cookout and the pesto sauce that I wasn't able to use then. And the aroma of pesto sauce -- it just gets to me! It's addicting, couldn't get enough of it! One of the reasons why I would so like to live in Italy.

So what was it about disposition that I was talking about? Well, a healthy sense of self and reality enables one to turn disappointments and downtimes into one of the best times or memories of one's life. Think about it.

of dark eyes and Dune nights

Missed my first class this morning, of which I'm not supposed to incur any more absences... well, there's nothing left to do but let it go. I'm good at that, letting things go. For sure, there's something that can be done about it later. So yes, I have to go to the doctor and have him/her make me a medical certificate stating that I was sick, so that, meine Lehrerin will hopefully strike today's absence as excused and thus will not add to the tally. And then I can still go on with my classes without much trouble. Seriously though, she could be more considerate. And we have a total of 12 tardiness to maximize. She's probably unaware of it. So I should tell her about it.

Spanish art from a German postcrosser, mushrooms in Finland and a cathedral in Russia

I've sent acknowledgements to the three postcrossers whose cards I received today (these are the kind of surprises I like waking up to). Right now, I've just been playing Strange Overtones over and over again. It's very beautiful. I love the original version by Brian Eno and David Byrne, but this cover by We Barbarians is still reminiscent of the original, with probably a bit more youthfulness in it. There's the soaring vocals in the original, and I don't know, I just feel the whole song, the whole situation. And then... maybe give it a listen? :)

Playing this song incites in me a pensive mood... I've actually decided to let certain imaginings go. I've been having eye contact with this guy at work for a while now. It all started when he found out I was reading Dune, which turned out to be also his favorite book. He was surprised and somewhat overwhelmed or like he said, excited at that time. He couldn't stop talking about it, even telling me that he had a tattoo of a line from the book and tried to show it to me (I failed to understand it though), and told me that it's worth reading to the end since the Kwisatz Haderach will finally be revealed. I had just started rereading the first book to refresh myself on the minute details, since I was due to start on the fourth book of the hexalogy. But as much as I love reading, I'm not as articulate on what I like about them. I like stories and storytelling. Even in films, I don't care much about the deeper developments in the characters, the twists in the plot, as long as it's well-written, it's got a good flow going and it's not the usual, I'm almost often into them. Same goes with films. So I couldn't comment enough while he was talking.

It's not like we became fast friends after that. I'm not the type that strangers easily approach and talk to, if they were not the talkative kind. So we didn't talk again after that. Well, there weren't any chances to. There was a time shortly after though, I was standing up and I looked up from my screen and saw him looking at me, so I promptly averted my gaze. For some reason, he was in the bay beside us. I'm not sure if that was the only time though. And then suddenly, all I know is that, when he passes through the aisles, I find myself looking up. Initially, maybe he hadn't intended to look. And maybe I'm just drawn to him that I had to see him while he passed by. But I no longer remember a time when I would look up and he wasn't looking straight at me. I always look away first, but not before lingering a bit in each other's gazes. When I'm the one passing through the aisles, I'm usually self-conscious so I try not to look. But the few times that I did, well it's like a habit you can't stop doing. There are times when I know he's passing by, but I consciously don't look to avoid any more incidents like that. But out of the corner of my eye (is my peri vision really that reliable?), I know he's looking at me, like what happened one Sunday.

And so I'm a bit torn as to what to do. I've decided recently however, that I'm gonna stop this. That a guy who's got some sort of interest in anyone would take the reins and do something about it, and not just forever make eye contact with that person, all the while not doing anything about it. Self-esteem issues came up as well. But yeah, I'm not willing to risk anything like what I did the last time. So I was gonna let it go.

At least before yesterday. Haha. Gosh, don't I fixate on things.

I believe it happened twice yesterday. I don't remember what brought about the second one, but I'm sure that's the more intense one of the two. Before that, I was walking along the aisle, coming from the CR I think, and he was also passing that way. Well, he backed up. So I thought, yeah, everything's done with. Then later on, because I was facing the aisle and was sitting near the end, I looked up at a movement and it was him. And I saw that he stopped for a few moments at what he was about to do. And maybe because I was closer to him this time - two steps and I'm right in his face, maybe that's why it affected me more than all those other times.

Now, I'm once again trying to find my way in the dark, after having given up on this endeavor, to see more of those dark eyes, that I know desire to express a lot more than all the things I've heard or seen.

---

For an quick interesting look on Dune, you may want to check out Julia Yu's Goodnight Dune, inspired by a parody on Collegehumor.com's '5 Children's Scifi books' while maintaining the original feel of Margaret Wise Brown's Goodnight Moon.

senti-men(ts)

Cusack's boombox scene in Say Anything kind
of captures the traditional senti Sunday mood

I just got home, and now I'm eating spaghetti and meat sauce. JAM is off the air for a few more hours, so rather than subjecting my ears to noisy pop ditties, I succumbed to listening to songs of yesteryears. Senti Sunday it is.

When I was a kid, Sundays meant the songs of my parents' younger years blasting from the speakers, courtesy of Star FM's Never on Sunday program. Staples were Tennessee Waltz, Sad Movies and that song that goes 'How much is that doggie in the window?' Twenty-something years later, I'm no longer surprised that songs played in programs like MYX Backtrax were by the BSB or Spice Girls. I'm not sure when Till They Take My Heart Away became popular but that song, and others like Take My Breath Away and Crazy for You define this wee-hours-of-the-morning's playlist. Nothing like being by your lonesome accompanied bye these kinds of songs permeating the airwaves, huh?

Incidentally, earlier tonight I found this poem by Alma S. Anonas. I was reading the 2002 Likhaan Book of Poetry and Fiction in between taking calls and somehow found myself going through the poetry section and reading them out loud, something I'm not usually won't to do. It's called Reply and (in the tradition of making song dedications over the radio) this goes out to you who will in the future ignite such curiosity as well.

Reply | Alma S. Anonas

You asked me
Why I kissed you
That scotched
Saturday evening.

Because I was curious.
Because I had drunk three-fourths
Of a bottle of scotch.
Because you asked me with your eyes.

Had I been sober,
Had I been sane,
Your lips
Would never have touched mine.

I kept my eyes closed
To your exquisitely ugly face.
I hadn't gone that far
Into the black yet.
Nothing personal.

I just wanted a period
To answer the question mark
Of what you tasted like.

Now I know.

Earlier last night as well when one of my officemates was talking to me, I somehow came to realize that I'd definitely go for a guy who reads, and not just magazines or the current thriller or fantasy novels. I'd go for someone who reads literature. He'd be extremely sexy in my mind; he'd share to me what lit is about as I have close to nada in understanding the classics, even if I sometimes read them. His thoughts will be of a depth and extent unlike any I have ever encountered. He will explain to me the different themes of different canon in between cuddling or whatnot. He'd quote lines and ignite my imagination while sharing to me his literary world. And it would help if he's got a hot bod and is not a wimp. Oh I am so drooling right now!

Yum!

troubled

There are times when you're bogged down - by your thoughts, the loftier/more enlightened thoughts of those in your social network, your expectations of yourself - and everything else goes awry. No matter how you think you can stop that line of thinking and just go on like you normally do, you can't help but succumb to it.   Doing other things still couldn't stop you from feeling how much of a failure you are right now, why you're not like all the others. A sign of clinical depression? :(

Write, write, write

No matter how many things I need to do (not only now but also in the near future) with the little time I have and will end up having, I always end up telling myself that 'I wanna do this, oh, this is interesting as well, I wanna do this too!' Yeah, a few more hours in the interwebs today and I came across two really interesting things, that I may just dip my toes in. Uh-huh.

First up, litreactor.com has its science fiction writing challenge known as Teleport Us. This follows the success of their previous challenge on horror writing last year. It's open to both amateurs and professionals, and anywhere from 1,500 to 4,000 words will get you in, as long as you adhere to three guidelines: explore a utopian/dystopian theme, feature a technology that's scientifically plausible and feature a non-human character. It's good to be starting now as submissions will end the 28th of February. There. That should provide me impetus to finally make good on all my resolutions to write years ago. Hmm... Esep esep...

Second, I didn't think there were many offshoots of the NaNoWriMo. I came across the NaBloPoMo and then later on ScriptFrenzy which occurs in April. Now, it seems there's LetterMo and it's for February. What's this about? You write anything - a letter, a postcard, send a picture, swatch of cloth, pages of magazines or newspapers, or write back to someone who wrote to you - every day of February and send them through the postal system.  I'm a sucker for the ways of the old, and there's nothing like seeing a surprise brought by the postman from a faraway or even nearby place in the world. I'm sure it'll be a worthwhile exercise in creativity. Now, if I can sustain this I still have to see. Although I have this twisted hope that I can. :)

So yeah, this is good, putting writing at the forefront of my activities to finally do/accomplish this 2013. My sister, who's currently taking up Medicine, and I have had this idea that's been sitting on the back burner for a while now of a graphic novel/illustrated book collaboration. We initially had an idea to make a children's book. And then all our fascination with Philippine myth (sparked by the Trese and Skyworld series) gave us the idea to make an alternative mythology graphic novel, similar to Paolo Chikiamco's Alternative Alamat issue over at Rocketkapre.com. We still have no idea which story to do up to this day, but hopefully all this writing (on my side) and creativity will spur us to make time and finally do it.

So, there's nothing more to say but Fight!

Christmas this time around

there aren't many images of tropical Christmas love so here

Christmas was pleasanter this time around. Even if it wasn't the same magical thing I've come to expect, a hangover from childhood as most everyone can attest to, in some respects it was more meaningful as I came to expect goodness and time spent with people who matter to you. It wasn't much about the material things. They were just secondary to showing how much you care for your loved ones. It was the first time I've felt this way. Must be some people's penchant for giving gifts rubbing off on me. It's kinda my first time to deliberately think about what to give not just for one or two people. In the beginning, thinking about what to give kinda paralyzed me. Well, once I was at the department store and shopping with a friend, somehow the choice became a bit easier. Indeed, it was fun wrapping them up later that night, discovering ways on how to give those department store wrapping personnel a run for the money. I also managed to watch both Gegen die Wand and Solino, which would be the basis for part of our group report report for my German class. They were very well made.

It was a really good time for me, making the most of wrapping up presents and watching well-developed stories. One about trying to break away from the conservative ways of family while trying to maintain the status quo with the housemate/husband she's come to start loving and how that same love has also changed the ways of a womanizing, troublemaking drunkard who, after his time in prison is now a reformed man. It's their chance to be what they once were, now that they are mature. The other one is about a smart Italian boy who grows up in Germany amidst the family's restaurant boom. He's influenced by a filmmaker who uses their restaurant as a location, and teaches him on some basic but fundamental things. His chance for a breakthrough comes but his Mom is finally diagnosed and, after finding out her husband has been cheating on her, goes back to their old village Solino and he has no choice but to go with her. His jealous older brother then steals the chance he made for himself along with his girlfriend. It is many years later when he's got kids and is about to marry that they reconcile. However, still no hope for the father who chose to stick with his pride.

Might I point out that things were also made the more pleasanter (now that I've started this whole compare/contrast thing) because I've fully healed from whatever heartbreak I was suffering from the past year. Indeed, I was even about to cry before Noche Buena last year. Since none of those thoughts or scenes repeated themselves this year, then I can safely say that that guy did have more than an effect on me (more than healthy in fact) than I would sometimes claim. That's not to say I'm entirely immune to whatever it was that had me going for him for some time. I can't help but be ambivalent about his actions and behavior in the office given that he's not the most popular person there right now. My whole team, even my TL, don't really hold him in good regard. Same goes with some, most(?) other employees... It's like this is him and the very few who stand by him on one side, and the rest of the office is on the other side. It's that bad. And where am I? Right there in the middle. Oh, if only he could be understood and he could understand better as well. All it takes is a little consideration, methinks.

Anyway, when he went to our part of the floor earlier last night to offer the VTO and I was then standing around since I was on offline, he still managed to acknowledge me. Not that I was expecting otherwise. But he also managed to blurt out a 'happy new year' and then looking at the list he was holding, much to the amusement (?) of one of my teammates who heard him. Dare I say that somehow warmed me? That in spite of all the tension and bad blood between my team and him (my teammates jeer on him and cheer on the failures his team is experiencing), he's still recognizing our connection, dare I say it, to even greet me, in front of them. I just want to make clear that there's nothing on my end anymore. It's just the after effects of the before. And this kind of attention from someone you craved attention from before is not so unwelcome, even if there should be no kind of expectation on my part anymore. It's more like a childhood crush that won't go away, moreso because of all the good feelings that person engenders. Really. And my girlfriends have concluded that it does take a certain type of guy to have that effect on you, sometimes no matter what they did or didn't do. Mine's not exactly your usual goodlooking guy, mind you. And until someone, with a stronger effect who can make you forget about all that, comes along, you'll be stuck in this same limbo for sometime. Well, that's it. I'm just airing out my feelings for one part of this whole nasty thing that's been going on for a while, long before I even had this week-long vacation from work, and with no one to share this to... There's the excuse right there in this Christmas-related post.

something about sleep

                               
It's really different when I go back home. For one, it was my first time to once again spend an entire week there. For most of the past nine years, I've been living here in QC, going home to Dagupan only during sembreaks, and then when I was working, when there were holidays. This time around, with the holidays falling on a Monday and a Tuesday, it was more economical to just take a whole week leave, instead of going home starting on Friday, coming back on Wednesday to work and then leave again on Friday for the next round of festivities. That, and the idea that I really needed to rest after that school-work combo (with an 8:30 am class routine) I've been doing for some weeks now. And so I got to spend both Christmas and New Year's Eve at home, unlike recent years.

There must be something about home and the habits and consciousness I've formed living there for most of my first 17 years. I didn't think I'd slip so easily into having an almost normal sleep pattern, i.e. sleeping at night, latest at midnight and then waking up, no matter what, the next day at 7. I guess it was the length of time I was staying that brought me back to that previous state. It wasn't like that when I'd go home before for just 2 or 3 days. This after being used to waking up at 10 am onwards for two years now. Surprising. There was even a day when I slept at 4 am because I slept the afternoon before. But since it was Sunday, I still woke up at 7 am that morning. Then we went to church, baked cookies after lunch, tried out a recipe for mojos (which turned into potato chips) and then had my hair dyed by my sister. Was I running on adrenaline then? Maybe. Still slept at midnight that night and still woke up at 7 the next day.

surfing with Surfista Travels

My mind is still a blur. So many things I want to talk about. But for now (thank goodness!) it's kinda settled on last weekend's events.

Finally got back into the water I was. And if coming up with 10 sentences about the supposed life of Ronnie 'Poks' Esquivel, the one-legged surf wonder of La Union using the clause connectors wenn, als and weil for my German assignment - cracking up those sentences while waiting in line for my ride and onboard the FX and the jeep to school two days after - and shoving up beautiful surf photos along with the sunset as my ideal bedroom view - coming up with as much respect for the beauty and that kind of life as my basic Italian could muster (yes m'dears, I cram a lot, unfortunately) - doesn't count as BEING STOKED, I don't know what is. Of course that would not be the entirety of it. I'd rather be riding waves until I could no longer stand up if only a beach was just in my backyard. No, what a weekend of surfing and being with people who love the beach and the surf did was inspire me to look up more stuff about it. And that's when I found some tributes to and a video of Poks. I've never known him nor seen him, but somehow, his zest for going on inspires you. It's just sad that he had to die so early. He's just two years older than me in fact. So all that exposure had to translate to something. Rather than make 10 sentences with different topics, I challenged myself by making all those 10 sentences tell a story about him. I managed. I hope my professor liked it, or at least appreciated the effort I put into it.

This was my fourth surfing trip and my second time in La Union. It seems there's a trend. First in Baler in January, then February in La Union, then back to Baler in May and finally November in La Union. If I could, I could've gone with the next trip to Baler. The next trip will probably have to be next year though, January I hope.

I was lucky to get a last minute slot to this La Union edition of Surfista Travels. I thought I won't be surfing this year for sure. Thank you to that person who gave up his/her slot. You made my weekend!

On email and on text, I can feel the warmth flowing from Surfista Travels owner and coordinator Elaine Abonal. I was actually amazed to find out that she only started Surfista Travels January this year. When we were in La Union in February, I saw an ad of Surfista in San Juan Resort's Surf Shop and I thought it's been existing for years. In fact, it has only been less than a month that she started operating. Amazing.

Elaine checking to see how we were doing  before our first surf lesson

After everyone's sleepiness had worn off and we've had time to warm up to each other a bit via a McDonald's breakfast and a memory game (great way to remember each of our companions!), we're ready to start our lessons. First surprise: sunscreens from VMV Hypoallergenics and rashguards from Hurley. Of course, I knew there'd be these freebies, but it's still exciting to actually receive them. Sehr kühl! Only the rashguards were just for our temporary use but hey, I finally got to wear a rashguard that had a great fit *big grin*.

Hurley rashguards and VMV's Armada

We checked out our rooms and the ladies' Family room was huge. It could house up to 12 people but there were only five of us. It was airconditioned and had two bathrooms as well. There was a TV set, but we didn't have time to check out what it had to offer. Who would, right, when you're in La Union and there are lots of interesting companions and the beach to occupy your attentions? And we had a terrace! It's really nice.

So surf's up. The waves were a bit small and CALM. That's fine by me. I'm having trouble with big waves. In fact, my first few tries on the board, I still couldn't manage to stand up. My instructor Michelle was still so very patient. And in between waves, we talked about life and surfing. She's my first female instructor. Luke finally (woke up?) came out and he was taking pictures of us. When I finally got to stand up, I almost ran into him on my board. Maybe that's why my first photo standing up in a board had that angle haha. He was also gracious enough to give me more pointers, like remembering to slide my left foot more forward, right where my arms were lying  (I'm regular-footed) and bending my knees for better balance. I didn't think I'd have this chance to talk to him, moreso him giving me pointers. It's so nice of him.

I had a number of rides then, one of them with me going all the way to the shore. There were also times when the board was turning and I couldn't control it. Hmm. The last time I did that in February, I was pretty conscious of my body doing it. This time, it was just the waves. It was still sweet being able to ride again. How I missed that feeling. Then the hour was up and before lunch, we've had an opportunity to take pictures with Luke himself.

We've had time to get to know each other, and enjoy the beach some, before our second afternoon session. First, we've got a theory lesson. Oh yeah, it's only with Surfista Travels that you can have these. Now I have a bit of an idea on what to call those waves and those breaks. Plus some surfing etiquette (I know Carla, sorry na sa drop in *smiles*) and more safety tips it wouldn't hurt to remember. And lotsa stickers! Thank you sponsors :)

stickers for Surfistas!

Unfortunately, Michelle was still teaching another student so I got Ronnie instead. First off, we jogged with Elaine leading us. 'Twas good, needed it to get the blood flowing. Then Luke himself led us in stretching. Then he told us to paddle out to where he was. This is it. Time to strain those arm muscles. The last time I paddled so hard was in May where all we did was paddle (no joke, little to no waves that time). Then when we  were all gathered, he told us to sit, then turn our boards around back to the shore (which I also did a lot of in May, haha) but it seems I still haven't gotten the hang of it. Then he told us to race to the shore or our instructors, whichever came first. Unfortunately for Miawesome and I, we were having trouble getting our boards forward so Luke kindly gave us a push to get us on our way. Now with regular instructors, you don't normally get these kinds of insights if you were a beginner. Surfista Travels is unique like this. You get a taste of the different aspects of surfing.

Ronnie was very helpful with my stance and my standing up (still can't pop up as Luke suggested) and still managed to ride a number of waves. Also found out what Hang Ten entails. Turns out there's even a Hang Five move. Wonder when I'll be able to do them too. Our hour ended soon enough, but not before I twisted something in my butt whereby I had to stretch and/or let it rest a bit, and then we had a chance to witness a magnificent sunset. I've never had many experiences seeing the sun go down, and this I think, is the biggest I've seen so far. Unfortunately, I didn't get to take a picture of it. It's really, really lovely. That's why sunsets in La Union are so special.

Elaine then shared to us what the folks at La Union used to do every Fridays. Everyone would be at the beach picking up trash. To give back for letting us experience surfing in San Juan, we did a cleanup as well. I know there are a lot of smokers but I was very surprised to find that most of the things I was picking up were cigarette butts, not plastics. Everyone oughta be more responsible, that includes the smokers. Put 'em away where they ought to be, that's in the trash bins. Loving the beach doesn't equate to leaving your trash lying around. Everyone should know better.

butts on the beach: these we picked up from just a square meter of sand o.O
photo from Surfista  Travels

We tried out a place across the road for dinner. Urbiztondo Grill was the name if my memory serves me correctly. It's a pretty big place and they've got a wide selection of items, although don't expect everything to be available. I was looking forward to inihaw na talong at maalat na itlog for dinner but sadly, the eggs were not available so I just went with laing. It was a pretty big serving of laing though so it would be good for sharing. We also had buko water, straight from the coconut itself. Then we gathered around for some games and kwentuhan afterward. We had a killer game introduced to us by cool Ghoul, unlike the killer game I knew where the killer had to blink at the person he wanted to kill. This time, there was a moderator and everytime someone was killed off, everyone would vote who they thought the killer was. It's a race to nail the killer or else everyone among the civilians dies. It was surprising to find out who the killers actually were, or who would single myself out as the killer. And I kind of had a hurrah moment when my hunch that Ghoul was the killer was correct. It was surprising to find out that Bam6 had this naughty (Vice Ganda-like) streak in him once he's a bit inebriated. Asha also had her physics notes with her for an upcoming exam, so I was equal ways disappointed and satisfied that I no longer remember/still remember some of the concepts. Ha, physics was so four years ago.

I awoke the next morning to hurting arms and thighs. And true enough to what everyone was saying the day before, indeed the wind has picked up and waves abound. In fact, a number of surfers were already lined up at the Point, where Elaine says the waves are very nice and which she sadly couldn't ride due to an ear infection (thus, I am reiterated with the fact that it's not so healthy to clean one's ears so often). There were also a lot of people on the beach, and probably a lot more students that we had to go in by batches because there weren't enough instructors to go around. Since a longboard (longer than the soft tops I used the previous day) was available, I decided to go with it, given the turbulence of the waves. I haven't had much success with this type of board (thus, my resolution to lose weight. Alas, pre-LU, I haven't had any chance to do so and so...) I'm not sure if it's just my weight or just getting the balance right - muscle memory and all that's needed to get me to stand up on it - but I realized later that I may have had better chance riding the waves had I chosen to go with the shorter soft top. Anyhow with Exson determined to make me ride, I persevered. Indeed, I had a hard time. Others around me were able to ride. Me needs a lot more practice. I finally managed one but it was a bit short-lived. Still, it was decent given the waves we were working with. Battered a lot we were. Ribs will definitely hurt the next day. It's part of the surfing experience after all. Then the hour was up. Oh! I couldn't bear not taking advantage of the situation. After all, I'm not sure when I'll be able to go back to the water. So I asked if we still had time. And I went in for another hour of surf lessons. The waves were bigger than ever. I've had many close shaves with the board, one of which was me feeling my leash graze my neck. I'm glad it didn't wrap itself around my neck and tumble me hard with the board. Probably lost my senses there as Exson told me I fell in front of the board. Not safe. First time that happened as well. And I was reciting mantras. That I'll ride a wave. And I was SURPRISED that I indeed rode the one that came immediately after I started reciting it. I was so amazed at the universe conspiring to let me achieve what I wanted to do. I waited for the whitewater to recede, hauled myself up, put my feet on the board and voila! I was riding. I was just amazed at the power of words. Unfortunately and surprisingly, the water hollowed out someways and I lost my balance. And that was my last ride for that day. Succeeding mantras hadn't worked. Eventually, my body succumbed to tiredness and I couldn't even haul myself up. At least I know I can actually ride a true board. I'm grateful that my instructor was patient and encouraging.

We had lunch and I was able to talk to the others and get to know them more. Found out about Nomad Manager Jen who is spearheading a site for Filipino cultural creatives promoting mindful living at Muni.ph. Then there's Xavier who's a freelance photographer and who collects film cameras. Completing the ten are Lea, Asha's older sister and also a returning Surfista, Roma who's an Elaine and Luke superfan (she got the merch before even joining any trip ^_^) and Mia and Lawin (both first timers). Hans was also there who after living in Surigao only got to experience surfing recently with Surfista Travels.

We received our certificates and after a few more pictures with Luke, Marj and Roger (*wink wink*), we finally got on our way back to Manila. But not before stopping by another McDo site in San Fernando for the traditional Surfista sundae.

That was a weekend full of great fun and stoke. Cheers to more STOKE in the new year!

ein Gedicht für dich

just because... Mesut in a Nutella ad,
if I'm not mistaken 

Waiting for the laundry to finish - and there it is, the beep before the last round. So I should be able to get to bed soon. (Lucky me, my VTO request was granted very early. Incessant coughing since last night and I dunno, weakened defenses maybe, have handed a very painful throat to me, which won't do at all in my line of work. Plus, the coughing. It's been a long time since I last got afflicted with one, and when I do, it usually only goes away months after I've contracted it. Bummer.)

Anyway, as I was saying before the very long digression, me has time. And an excess of some more daydreaming and word geekery. So I'm posting what was today's German assignment which was supposed to be about time. My classmate didn't say anything of the sort though, but with a wee bit stretching of the imagination, one can find it as still incorporating time. I've intended for it to be longer but the limit was only up to 12 lines. But yeah, I might one day strive to complete this. Inspired by recent events, its grammar is not topnotch, nor is the content. One can easily find shadows of the message in past posts. But anyway, this is me, the shamelessness sometimes outweighing good judgment. lol. This is my blog anyway. So if I want hell to break loose on here, then it shall.

And so, without further ado...

Heute nach einer sehr langen Weile
   hast du mich wieder beachtet.
Dein Lächeln hat Fröhlichkeit
   an meinem Miene beigebracht.
Deine Aufmerksamkeit erlaubte mich zu denken,
   dass es eine Hoffnung gibt
Für mich, für dich, für uns.
Bis ich finde jemanden neuen
   fortsetze ich zu traumen
Was war, was ist und was werde. 

*still having a hard time grasping German, but still I strive...