qualcosa che spero dirti

It's different when your head is up in the clouds. You see things differently - ideally is the word for it, I guess, and think that these kinds of things are possible. You get swept up in these whirls of emotion, get high on them. Images and music that appeal to you heighten the feeling. Soon, you think. Oh, how blissful life is!

But there are the days when you're trying to keep your feet on the ground, reverting to your Interrogator persona, the one who thrives on logic, to make sense of the whats and whys and hows. But you're held back since you only have one side of the situation. And you're writing entries like this. And wonder when you'll get a dose of reality.

And come crashing down again.


But still hoping that the thing you've pinned your hopes on
will not let you down.

And you're waiting and waiting... until the emotions wear off...

Or you get tired.

And hope everything comes to pass already.

ein Gedicht für dich

just because... Mesut in a Nutella ad,
if I'm not mistaken 

Waiting for the laundry to finish - and there it is, the beep before the last round. So I should be able to get to bed soon. (Lucky me, my VTO request was granted very early. Incessant coughing since last night and I dunno, weakened defenses maybe, have handed a very painful throat to me, which won't do at all in my line of work. Plus, the coughing. It's been a long time since I last got afflicted with one, and when I do, it usually only goes away months after I've contracted it. Bummer.)

Anyway, as I was saying before the very long digression, me has time. And an excess of some more daydreaming and word geekery. So I'm posting what was today's German assignment which was supposed to be about time. My classmate didn't say anything of the sort though, but with a wee bit stretching of the imagination, one can find it as still incorporating time. I've intended for it to be longer but the limit was only up to 12 lines. But yeah, I might one day strive to complete this. Inspired by recent events, its grammar is not topnotch, nor is the content. One can easily find shadows of the message in past posts. But anyway, this is me, the shamelessness sometimes outweighing good judgment. lol. This is my blog anyway. So if I want hell to break loose on here, then it shall.

And so, without further ado...

Heute nach einer sehr langen Weile
   hast du mich wieder beachtet.
Dein Lächeln hat Fröhlichkeit
   an meinem Miene beigebracht.
Deine Aufmerksamkeit erlaubte mich zu denken,
   dass es eine Hoffnung gibt
Für mich, für dich, für uns.
Bis ich finde jemanden neuen
   fortsetze ich zu traumen
Was war, was ist und was werde. 

*still having a hard time grasping German, but still I strive...

tales of the vending machine

coffee-scented stamp from Brazil /
photo from https://www.facebook.com/Nescafe

There was a girl who, when she discovered the 14-peso Cafe Mocha by the office's Nescafe Vending Machine, took to it like Bethany Hamilton to surfing or men to big boobs, sugar level at two (maximum is five). She loved to pair it with some discounted Triple Choco Boom from Country Style, available at the office building's ground floor two hours before closing. That was chocolate heaven, and the almost bitter, not-so-sweet Cafe Mocha complemented it well. There would be times when she needed some heat (the office AC was too cold) or some wake-me-up (she hadn't had enough sleep). Times like these, she was headed to the chill lounge at the other side of the office floor to have her brief fill of that delicious, hot, brown liquid. Then she'll be set for the rest of the shift.

There was a time when said girl had no coins with her, unable to foresee that she may need said delicious, hot, brown liquid before her lunch break. The machine was picky with the P20 bills (should be the old edition and then a bit worn), and well, she simply had none on her that time. So she borrowed coins from the teammate sitting beside her. Then when she finally got her money, decided to pay her. Said teammate refused; said she'll just get it when time came that she needed the money. So pocket the money the girl did.

Some days after, she was psyched up to drink a cup of said delicious, hot, brown liquid when teammate piped up, I need my money now. Of course, she had no choice but to fork over those coins - the only coins she had on her to be able to drink drink that brew at her upcoming break. So move the coffee drinking time she did to her lunch break.

Lunch break came and she was finally able to drink said sought-after brew after a trip back to her locker two floors up. While still savoring the rest of her free unpaid time, Kras Nummer drei came in and went straight to said vendo machine, by which she was seated. Said Kras inserted his P20 bill, machine promptly ate it up and coughed it out immediately. He looked to her and asked whether she had change. As it turns out, after buying various stuff for her lunch she did have. It was P1 shy of what he had though, but he said it was okay. So exchange money they did. And he got his brew, thanked her and went on his way back to the floor.

A few moments later, Kras Nummer eins came sauntering in. There were a few people by the vendo, still awaiting their own brew. Girl was looking straight ahead at the glass window to the scene in front of her, though they were only buildings. Kras Nummer eins, in his striped polo and semi-slacks, hadn't recognized her yet as her back was to him, but when he looked at the window as well, made eye contact with her and waved at her reflection; she waved back. No words exchanged. People finally vacated the vendo machine and he inserted his P20 bill, which machine promptly spat back out. It's not recorded who spoke first, but they exchanged comments about the vendo machine's caprice. She mentioned that the new edition bills weren't usually accepted; he said it usually has to be crumpled a bit first, with a bit of boasting in his part. So crumple his bill he did, to no avail. She remembered she still had another bill in her pocket, not the one Kras Nummer drei exchanged with her, and gave it to Kras Nummer eins. He apologized for the crumpled bill, took hers, and successfully had his brew. Flirting she was not, but enjoy the exchange she did, loudly replying to his thanks as he exited the lounge, while others she did not know were still inside the room.

And thus it was that the first vendo machine incident gave rise to this encounter with Kras Nummern eins und drei und sie war sehr glückich. Kras Nummer zwei she hadn't encountered at said vendo before. But she'll be fine with just having more encounters with Nummer eins at said vendo.


Note: originally started/thought about writing this am der 18. Oktober 2012.

Ika nga ng Nazareth...

Drawn by Sofia Falkenhem
for her friend's collection of
love/horror stories,
check out her other
drawings at
http://sofiafalkenhem.blogspot.com

Love hurts.

Written in an hour (as soon as my shift started) late in 2011, if I remember correctly, whereafter the demands of work i.e., call volume, have rendered me unable to continue the relation of events which can be seen as fundamental to the understanding of the initial outburst of emotion, the following started out as a rant and soon became an attempt to use the misfortune into something that, with hope, may prove, no matter how far-fetched the idea may be, to be a suitable first foray (like all the other ideas I've thrown into the typewritten page) into the world of romance writing.

Some parts have been re-worded or rewritten for better reading, and while the inconsistency in voice in the fourth paragraph can be immediately corrected, I chose to let that part remain unchanged to somehow highlight the strength of emotion I had while writing those lines.

Let the heartbreak begin...

***

Heto na naman siya. Nakatunganga, nakatigin sa kawalan. Hindi namamalayan ang paglipas ng oras. Or to put it more correctly, nakikita niya ang pagpalit ng oras mula alas-tres, alas-kwatro, alas-singko hanggang alas-sais na ng gabi pero hindi niya ito iniinda. Oo, nasasayang ang oras, pero hindi niya makuhang ibaling ang atensyon sa mga mas importanteng bagay - sa paksang kailangang aralin para sa pagsusulit bukas, sa paghahanda para sa bakaysong matagal na niyang inaasam-asam. Pero kahit para sa huli ay ni hindi man lang niyang makuhang maging excited.

Kasabay ng pag-eemo moment niya ngayon ay naka-loop ang tila theme song ng kanyang pag-eemo. 'Nasubukan mo na bang matulog nang bigo sa pag-ibig,' tanong ni Alicia Keys. Kasama ang mabigat na bagsak ng mga beats at ang madramang melodiya - perpekto ito para sa nararamdaman niya ngayon, na nararamdaman niya dati pa pero napagdesiyunan na niyang wag na 'to isipan pa muli; na ang pagsisimula ng bagong buhay ay ang pagkalimot sa isang pangit na karanasan.

Pero sa emosyon, madalas talo ka. Natuklasan niya ito sa ilang ulit nang pag-betray sa kanya ng mga emosyon kahit ano pa man ang sabihin ng kanyag utak. Kapag nagsimula nang mamuo ang mga punla ng depresyon, tuluy-tuloy na yan. Hindi na niya mapipigilan ang pulso ng damdamin. At kadalasan ngayon, simula ng mga pangyayaring ngayo'y gumugulo na naman sa kanya, ang kanyang pagkalungkot ay umiikot sa kawalan ng iniibig. Kung bakit ba naman kasi kinailangan pa niyang pumasok sa buhay niya nang ganun diba? Wala siyang ganitong problema dati, kasi nga nbsb nga naman. Wala ring nanliligaw. Kaya ayos lang, masaya ang buhay. Kapag na-depress ay sarili lang ang kailangang sisihin. Tungkol lang naman dati sa purpose niya sa buhay ang ikinadi-depress niya. Ngayon, iba nang anggulo. May iba nang dimensyon ang kanyang pagkalungkot. Pumapalibot na rin sa isa pang tao. Nakakainis lang. Sa ilang buwan nang nakalipas, di pa rin niya maiwaksi ang mga nangyari at ang mga damdaming itinago lang niya. Pathetic, iniisip niya, to pine over one guy when there are so many others around. Ano bang meron sa kanya?

#3. success with chopsticks

ate at Mashitta yesterday for dinner

Headed to Mashitta at the UP Shopping Center for an early post-class dinner. Had the chicken curry udon. Filling, though not as hot as I would have thought. I wonder if Japanese curry is as hot as Indian curry. This pic is #3 in my attempt at Project 365 because I've never been successful in using chopsticks before. I would attempt to use them at the beginning of a meal, but not yet halfway through, it'll cause me more trouble than I would care to have so I'd revert to the spoon and fork I'm more at ease with. Well this time, look at the utensils on the left side. Clean and never been used. So yay for me and for my first success with chopsticks. Granted that udon is quite thick but still, one small step at a time :)