still disinclined to acquiesce to the rational mind's request

April..

Just like that, it's been a year since the spark was ignited.

That's probably why I feel like lately, I've been bombarded with things related to you. And that may just be my inner voice working to find acceptable explanations for what I am experiencing other than that it's just a random coincidence. Emphasis on random.

Yours is not exactly an uncommon name. It gets pretty well used as a mnemonic for a letter when we are required to spell - a necessity in our line of work - besides the military mnemonic and that other Christian name. And with it having a Spanish counterpart, even it is a common name in my German textbook or for sample sentences in class. I even saw it on a store sign, some saint or other, and heard it on the radio as well.

And with all the brouhaha at work, I'm exposed to you than I normally would have been months past. With some sort of normalcy settling in at work, the distances have become shorter and conversations in other rows are more easily heard here than in our previous site. You don't know it but I'm tuned in to you than to any other being in the four-or-so walls of that office.

I don't know when I first realized it but you use this one cologne. I realized it one day when I was close enough one time too many, so much so that during the last day at the previous site, I was wondering where you were. On my way to the CR, I sensed it. You were in the vicinity of where I was passing through and true enough, yonder is a semi-bald head. On my way back, I guess you even acknowledged me.

And so last night got me wondering whether the air flow was pretty strong and you were sitting right below the air conditioning that for a time, I could smell you. Just you, in fact. None of the powdery smell we get from the AC from time to time. The smell is really good but still you know, male. I wonder if the others realized you were the one permeating their noses. Probably the ones you have regular contact with. Really. Talk about being bombarded with stimuli. Like reading your name in the sign up sheet before I started work last night wasn't enough to make my mindcogs working overtime over things not being coincidental.

So this got my imagination working up once again, that it has me a bit scared for a time. What if I turn into a lovesick creature once again? But no, no chance of that. I've let go of any romantic notions for good, the kind that makes me feel down. My mind delights in it, but it is no longer the destructive kind. I am just savoring this feeling of liking someone well enough that I don't care about whether any developments would be expected. But still, no matter how much I tell myself that I'm gonna stop thinking about you, I am in the office anticipating the next encounter.

I was even considering the possibilities when I took on the overtime request. I decided not to push through with it later on due to headache and fever brought about by lack of sleep. And then when I was preparing to leave, there you were in the flesh. Not just a scent nor a voice from rows beyond nor the sound of keys walking the aisle but you yourself stationing behind me, beside my teammate. With almost non-existent acknowledgment on each side, I still managed to ask my teammate the question I just then remembered and bid him goodbye. Good thing you were pretty busy with a call, that that may function as an excuse to not talk to you before I left. 'Twas because I worked it in myself to be scared of what was happening, even if in hindsight there was none. Silly imagination. Silly me.

Yes, the saga continues, every bit as one-sided as it was before.

*title inspired by Capt. Barbosa's response to Elizabeth Swann in the first Pirates of the Carribean when she asked to be released: "...disinclined to acquiesce to your request..."